My Personal Struggle With “The Green Eyed Monster” – Jealousy

I consider myself a “normal” person (whatever that means). I have the same emotions that everyone else has…..happy, sad, mad, etc, etc. But I had one emotion that would eat at me to my core……jealousy. I’ve never met a person who hasn’t been jealous before. You get jealous over silly things like a friend getting a new car, a family member receiving more praise, someone flirting with your spouse or even a co-worker getting a promotion. Jealousy is a natural feeling in us as humans, but how you deal with that feeling is up to you.

 I use to harbor my jealousy; if I was jealous of something then I would ignore it and not give it any of my attention. I would keep my thoughts bottled up inside. I wish I could say that I quickly learned dealing with jealousy this way only ate me up inside, but I can’t because it took me a long time to realize this. It took me so long because I didn’t know how to deal with it. No one ever tells you how to deal with your jealous thoughts. I was jealous of many things as a child, being young and naive, but it continued into my adult life. I was never able to let go of that jealous feeling I would get and free myself of my unwanted misery. I’ve always been happy with my life; I had a wonderful childhood, loving parents, as an adult I have a wonderful husband, a loving family, great friends and more than I could ever need. I’d often ask myself WHY are you jealous? I finally discovered that I didn’t in fact actually want whatever I found myself jealous over, it was the fact that people were doing and getting what they wanted and I necessarily wasn’t. In that moment, I decided that being jealous wasn’t my problem; my problem was not going after or doing what I wanted. I started thinking of things I enjoyed doing, rewarding things that would fill my void that created my jealousy. I started crafting, making homemade gifts and things for my home. I started challenging myself to doing things I had never done before. I “let go” of the jealous thoughts in my head and filled them with ideas and aspirations. I didn’t want anyone else’s life, or car, or job, or whatever it was I was finding myself jealous over. I wanted their drive to achieve what they/I wanted. If only I had realized that much sooner…..but it’s never too late to change, right?

The point of this post is to help people understand that jealousy is a natural feeling, but how you are interpreting your jealousy is often misunderstood. I wish I had read something like this years ago to open my eyes and relieve me of my misery a long time ago, but sometimes it takes something happening in your life to “wake you up” so to speak, and now that I’m awake, I’m happier than ever! Next time the “Green Eyed Monster” rears it’s ugly head, ask yourself, am I jealous over the actual item or am I jealous about how they achieved that item? If it’s jealousy with your spouse, talk to them about it. Are you jealous because you aren’t getting enough attention?  Figuring out the root of your jealousy can change your life. Honesty is the best policy (not to be cliché), but when you are honest you never have to remember what you’ve said because the truth in your head is the truth that you speak. I now live with an open mind and an open heart. I’m honest and much happier living this way. I can congratulate someone on their success without a jealous thought in my head because I’m happy with my own success and I want others to succeed. I can praise others without feeling jealous because I now praise myself. I can celebrate an exciting moment with a friend because I truly want them to be happy, to have the happiness that I’ve found in myself. Jealousy can blind you, remove you from reality and make you do things that you will regret. Become in control of your life, set your own destiny and fly!

My advice is to live your life the way it makes you happy. At the end of the day, those seated at your dinner table with you are the people who matter the most. If you are happy with yourself, with them, with your life, with your family, then you are living the right way. Celebrate your own success, congratulate yourself and live your life for you. Life is too short to live it any other way!

Steps to overcome jealousy;

Admitting that you are jealous
Thinking about why you are feeling jealous
Reminding yourself about the good things in your life. Remember “The grass ain’t always greener on the other side, it’s green where you water it”. “Water” the area’s that need “watering”.
Focusing on positive things that make you happy and are rewarding to you
Reaching out to someone to talk about your feelings of jealousy. Don’t keep it bottled up inside